Siddarth Shukla

Awakening to the realities of life is not easy, especially when it comes to recognizing that doing the right thing often involves difficult choices. Standing up for what is right starts with standing up for yourself, a task that can be incredibly challenging. While the concepts of right and wrong are subjective, our intelligence and understanding of the world help us discern actions that either move us closer to or further away from our goals. The journey toward achieving these goals is ultimately an individual one, yet it does not occur in isolation.

As we strive to reach our goals, we are constantly interacting with the world around us—family, friends, and society at large. Our existence is deeply interconnected with others, whether we acknowledge it or not. The food we eat is grown by others, and the money we use to purchase it is earned through our participation in a broader economic system. This interdependence is ingrained in us not just mentally, but genetically as well. For example, a woman’s body undergoes natural changes during pregnancy, driven by an intelligence that ensures the survival of both mother and child. These changes occur beyond her conscious control, illustrating how deeply embedded our connections to others are.

From birth, we are nurtured by our families and supported by our communities. This creates a sense of obligation—a feeling that we owe something to those who have cared for us. However, this sense of duty can become a burden, especially when it conflicts with our personal goals. Many of us, particularly men in their 20s and 30s, find that our goals are heavily influenced by a desire to please our families. Consider the young man who is determined to retire his parents. He may have grown up witnessing their struggles and now feels an overwhelming responsibility to ease their burdens. This sense of duty can lead to immense pressure, causing him to work unsustainably hard, perhaps even moving to another country to juggle work, studies, and immigration concerns. This scenario is common among young men from regions like Punjab, India, where the pressure to provide for family back home can be overwhelming. However, it’s important to recognize that raising a child is a parent’s duty, not a debt that the child must repay.

These feelings of obligation can lead to a crushing sense of responsibility. It’s crucial to understand that our first responsibility is to ourselves. If we are caught in a cycle of harmful habits, no one can force us to break free; that decision must come from within. Ultimately, living a life aligned with our goals is an individual journey, and this journey often requires us to disappoint others.

Many of us know what our goals are, but we struggle to accept that pursuing them may involve letting others down. Communicating our goals through our actions is key. We don’t need to explain our goals to everyone, but we do need to consistently act in alignment with them. For example, if you need to wake up early for a morning run but have guests over, you must have the courage to excuse yourself and go to bed. Many of us would skip the run to accommodate our guests, but doing so compromises our commitment to our goals.

Achieving our goals requires more than just dedication; it demands the ability to negotiate our time and responsibilities with those around us. Our time is not entirely our own—others will make demands on it, whether it’s driving someone to the airport, fixing something at their house, or participating in social activities. To stay on track, we must develop the maturity to negotiate these demands effectively. This is especially true in our professional lives, where negotiating with an employer is often necessary to protect our time.

The skills of negotiation and communication are rarely discussed but are essential when working toward long-term goals. Imagine being asked to sit on the grass barefoot for an hour every day at the same time for 21 days. While this may seem simple, it would require you to give up whatever else you usually do at that time, find a suitable location, and reorganize your schedule so that no one disturbs you. Completing such a task would help you better manage your time and reveal your relationships with those around you. If you can accomplish this, it shows that you have control over your time—something many people lack.

However, most of us would hesitate, thinking about how we might disappoint others by prioritizing our goals. We might worry about letting down a sister who needs a ride, a friend who wants to play a game, or a spouse who wants to spend time together. The truth is, if we are serious about our goals, we will inevitably disappoint people around us. This is a sign of weakness if we allow it to deter us. A strong person doesn’t use obligations as an excuse; instead, they find ways to overcome obstacles.

Once we understand that our perception of reality is shaped by our goals, we will see that the present moment is where the truth lies. Engaging fully with our goals will dissolve the duality between our current state and our desired future, revealing the path to success.