Siddarth Shukla

Introduction

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the challenge of balancing personal routines with the unpredictability of life. Building self-mastery is not just about setting habits; it’s also about how we navigate relationships, responsibilities, and the unexpected. I’ve been exploring what it means to hold onto my discipline while being compassionate toward others and myself. In this blog, I’ll dive into the realities of building routines, setting boundaries, and confronting emotional struggles that come with this journey.

1. Creating Routines

Building personal routines like waking up early, maintaining a diet, and following a workout plan seems straightforward when it comes to self-discipline. These routines are in your control, requiring only a commitment to your own habits. However, the real challenge arises when you try to balance these routines with the unpredictable demands of family and friends.

Relationships and social dynamics don’t follow a fixed schedule. For instance, while you might have your day meticulously planned, a family member might ask for a favor or need your attention, disrupting the flow of your routine. These situations are not rare, especially in environments where work and home life coexist, like working from home. An immature or uncommitted person might jump in to help without pausing to consider their own schedule.

To maintain your routines, it’s crucial to accept that some flexibility is necessary while also recognizing when to protect your personal time. This balancing act is an ongoing process that involves reflection and adapting to your environment. There are certain routines you don’t negotiate. For me, in these 21 days, I am not negotiating my sleeping routine.

2. Compassion Can Be a Distraction

Compassion is a powerful force. It drives us to help others and be there when our loved ones need us. However, it can also be a double-edged sword. I’ve found myself putting aside my own plans because I want to be there for my family and friends. While it’s important to be supportive, this often leads to a constant tug-of-war between my personal goals and others’ expectations.

The struggle is in finding the balance between helping others and not losing sight of my own path. Compassion shouldn’t come at the expense of my well-being. Recognizing this has been key to setting up boundaries while still being present for my loved ones.

3. The Emotional Struggle of Saying “No”

When we start to set boundaries and say “no” to others, it often comes with feelings of guilt, grief, or even resentment. There’s also grief or resentment when we say “yes” to others and skip our own meal, workout, work meeting, blog writing, or personal tasks. There’s a natural tension between wanting to help those around us and needing to focus on our own priorities. When you’re bombarded with demands from family or friends, it can feel like you’re constantly being pulled in multiple directions, which creates frustration.

Much of this struggle comes from our own expectations. We want to be there for others, but we also desire time to focus on our own goals. The emotional conflict arises when these two desires clash. You may feel resentment not just toward others for interrupting your plans, but also toward yourself for not being able to say “no” firmly. As the days progress and you aren’t doing what you desire, you feel angry and resentful.

The reality is that learning to say “no” is a process. It takes time to set the tone with the people around you. You don’t just create boundaries overnight. It starts with small, consistent actions that gradually build your confidence. Once you’ve established your habits and feel secure in them, it becomes easier to communicate your needs to others without guilt.

4. The Impact of an Unstable Environment

A stable environment is key to building lasting habits. Over the years, I’ve been constantly moving—changing homes each year due to lease agreements. This meant adapting to new environments, different people, and various living situations, which made it nearly impossible to establish consistent routines.

Now that I’m married, my environment has naturally become more stable. I don’t have to worry about finding a new place every year or adjusting to a new set of housemates. This newfound stability is providing me with a sense of grounding that I didn’t have before. It’s giving me the space I need to create routines and work on my habits.

Also, this stability is where I am negotiating the spaces I share with other people, like my parents and in-laws. I tell them I’m working around my house, have other duties related to my wife, and now, with a child on the way, building my own life and habits is helping me sort myself out in a better way. I’ve realized that setting routines and boundaries is a layered process. It’s about creating mental and emotional space to cultivate discipline.

5. Starting with Myself Before Setting Boundaries

It’s hard to set boundaries with others when you haven’t built habits for yourself. You need to have a clear understanding of your own goals and priorities before you can confidently say “no” to others. I’ve realized that I was hesitant to set boundaries in the past because I wasn’t sure of my own life and habits. How could I expect others to respect my time when I wasn’t respecting it myself?

Now that I’m starting to develop habits and routines, I feel more prepared to set the tone with the people around me. By first working on myself, I’m laying the groundwork to communicate my needs clearly. It’s a process that requires patience, self-awareness, and a commitment to self-mastery.

6. Navigating the Layers of My Mind

As I embark on this journey, I’m becoming more aware of how my mind can play tricks on me. Just when I think I’ve conquered a habit, my mind finds new ways to distract or derail me. It’s like peeling an onion; there are always more layers to uncover. There’s a part of me that wants growth, but there’s also a part that craves comfort and familiarity.

Recognizing these mental patterns is crucial. I’ve learned that self-mastery is not a one-time achievement; it’s an ongoing process of learning, unlearning, and relearning. This involves being honest with myself about where I’m getting stuck and why. Each time I confront a new layer of resistance, I’m one step closer to breaking through my limitations.

7. The Path Forward

Self-mastery is not just about building routines or setting boundaries. It’s about understanding the layers of our minds, cultivating patience, and navigating the delicate balance between compassion for others and self-care. As I stabilize my environment and set up my habits, I’m learning to embrace the journey itself.

I know that this path won’t be easy, and there will be setbacks. But each small victory—whether it’s waking up early, meal prepping, or saying “no” to an unnecessary distraction—brings me closer to the life I want to create. The key is to remain committed to the process, to keep peeling back the layers, and to accept that this journey is an integral part of my self-mastery.

Conclusion

In this journey toward self-mastery, building routines and setting boundaries are just the beginning. It’s about understanding the deeper emotional conflicts, the tricks of the mind, and the balance between helping others and prioritizing my own growth. My environment has changed, my mindset is evolving, and I’m learning to embrace both the comfort and the discomfort that comes with this process. This is my journey, and I’m ready to face it with patience, reflection, and compassion for myself.