Siddarth Shukla

Making Life Your Own

I remember wrestling with this dilemma myself. There was a time when I constantly questioned my decisions, thinking, “If I don’t do what’s expected of me, how will I be perceived? Will my parents be disappointed?” These thoughts, while valid, kept me stuck in a cycle of guilt and indecision.

Whenever I considered making choices that deviated from the traditional path laid out for me, the fear of disappointing my parents loomed large. I would think about all the sacrifices they made and how my decisions might be perceived as selfish or ungrateful. This guilt would paralyze me, keeping me from taking any action because, in my mind, if they were disappointed, I was failing.

But here’s the truth: living your life to avoid disappointment isn’t truly living. It’s a way of keeping yourself in a cage, bound by the expectations of others. The cycle of guilt becomes a trap, one where you put everyone else’s happiness and approval above your own. Over time, I came to understand that my life is my own, and no one—no matter how much they care—can live it for me. While it might be uncomfortable to make decisions that disappoint others, especially family, that discomfort is temporary. Sacrificing your authenticity for others’ approval is a far greater cost.

After a certain age, no one is putting food on your table but you. You’re the one paying the bills, managing your responsibilities, and keeping things afloat. So, what do you really owe people? The only thing you truly owe others—if you don’t owe them money—is respect and kindness. Beyond that, no one has the right to dictate your life. You don’t owe anyone your dreams, your happiness, or your choices, even if they think you do.

The Fear of Disappointing Others

We’ve all faced moments where we’re confronted with big life decisions—whether it’s choosing a career, a life partner, or even deciding whether to have kids. These are deeply personal decisions, but we often get bogged down by the stories we tell ourselves. We think, “What will they think of me? What if I don’t follow the traditional path?”

The fear of disappointing others can be paralyzing. We’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s our responsibility to uphold family traditions, even if they no longer make sense or bring us joy. In these moments, our minds start weaving stories—stories about what might happen if we take an unconventional path. But these stories aren’t reality; they’re just projections of our inner fears.

I’ve often seen people cling to cultural or familial expectations because they feel that breaking away would lead to rejection or failure. It’s the same when people find themselves at a crossroads—choosing between a job they hate or starting a business they’ve always dreamed of, staying in a relationship or walking away. The stakes feel incredibly high, and the fear of making the wrong decision keeps them trapped in inaction.

The Guilt Trap: A Cycle That Holds You Back

When you operate from a place of guilt, you’re not living for yourself. You’re living for someone else’s idea of what your life should be. This is the core of the guilt trap. It keeps you feeling responsible for other people’s emotions while sacrificing your own happiness. I’ve seen people stay in unfulfilling careers or toxic relationships, not because they want to, but because they feel obligated to make others happy. They think that if they stay within the boundaries of what’s expected, they’ll be safe from judgment or disappointment.

But living to avoid guilt isn’t sustainable. There’s no joy in constantly putting yourself second. At some point, you have to make the decision to live for yourself. You have to understand that people will be disappointed—it’s inevitable. But their disappointment doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong decision. It just means they have their own expectations, which don’t always align with your path.

Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thinking

A lot of this negative thinking comes from overanalyzing situations. Instead of focusing on the task at hand, our minds race to all the “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. I’ve been there. When I was faced with big decisions, I’d create endless stories in my mind about how things could go wrong, how people would react, or how I might regret my choices. These mental loops keep us from moving forward. We end up in a cycle of anxiety, overthinking, and inaction.

This is especially common when you’re conditioned by traditions or societal expectations. You start projecting these borrowed ideas onto your own life. You think, “If I break away from what’s expected, I’ll ruin everything. Society won’t function, and I’ll be to blame.” But these thoughts aren’t grounded in reality—they’re the product of a mind that’s trying to protect itself from change.

The Truth About Responsibility: It’s Yours, Not Theirs

Here’s a powerful truth: You are responsible for your life, and your decisions will directly impact your future. If you want to take a path that’s different from what your family or society expects, that’s okay. It’s your responsibility to make choices that align with your values, not someone else’s.

I’ve seen people who let family traditions dictate their lives, to the point where they sacrifice their own happiness just to keep everyone else happy. But there’s no end to it. If you constantly live for other people’s expectations, you’ll never find peace. It’s not your job to keep everyone else happy by being sad or by performing rituals and traditions that drain your energy and time. At the end of the day, you have to take control of your life. No one else is paying your bills or putting food on your table. You owe it to yourself to be happy.

Moving Forward

When you find yourself stuck in negative thinking—whether it’s overanalyzing, making excuses, or feeling guilty—it’s time to pause and reflect. Ask yourself: “What do I really want? What’s true for me?” At the end of the day, your life is yours to live. If you continue to let fear or guilt guide your decisions, you’ll never reach the freedom and fulfillment you deserve.

Breaking free from these mental traps isn’t easy, but it’s essential for your growth. The fear of disappointing others will fade, and the guilt will pass. But the feeling of living authentically, aligned with your true self, is something that will stay with you forever.