Siddarth Shukla

Six Lessons for a Newly Married Man from Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita

Being a married man often feels like a battlefield—much like the one Arjuna faced in the Bhagavad Gita. Torn between family expectations, personal desires, and the duty to his new family, Arjuna’s inner turmoil mirrors the conflicts many men experience as they balance the expectations of their parents and the responsibilities toward their wives. Arjuna’s struggle, when broken down, offers valuable lessons on how a married man can navigate these complex dynamics.

1. The Battlefield of Attachment

In the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna stands on the battlefield, filled with doubt and confusion. He is caught between his loyalty to his elders—figures he has revered all his life—and the duty to act according to what’s right in the present situation. Similarly, a married man often finds himself torn between the expectations of his parents and the needs of his new family. The attachment to one’s parents can create an internal conflict, making it hard to move forward in his marriage.

Much like Arjuna, a married man needs to recognize that this battle is not between family members but within himself—between attachment to the past and the call to create a future with his wife. While honoring his parents is important, there comes a time when he must act in the best interest of his marriage, even if it means facing internal guilt or external disapproval.

2. The Fear of Disappointing Elders

Arjuna’s hesitation to fight stems from his fear of hurting and disappointing his elders, like Bhishma and Drona, who have been guiding figures throughout his life. This is a common emotion many married men face. They want to please their parents, honor family traditions, and keep the peace. However, this desire to avoid disappointment can lead to problems in their own households.

A man might avoid setting boundaries with his parents for fear of offending them, even if their involvement in his married life causes strain with his wife. The lesson here is clear: as Krishna advises Arjuna to perform his duty without attachment to the outcome, a married man must prioritize his marital responsibilities without constantly fearing the disapproval of his parents.

3. The Paralyzing Effect of Guilt

Arjuna’s paralysis on the battlefield is largely due to guilt. He questions whether it’s right to challenge his family, to go against those who raised him. Similarly, married men often experience guilt when they need to choose between their parents’ wishes and their wife’s needs. This guilt can be paralyzing, making it difficult to take any action at all.

But, just like Krishna advises Arjuna, it’s important to understand that guilt should not prevent you from fulfilling your responsibilities. Your primary duty, once married, is to your wife and the family you are building together. This doesn’t mean neglecting or disrespecting your parents, but it does mean that you have to prioritize your own household, even if it brings temporary discomfort.

4. Understanding Ego and the Bigger Picture

In Arjuna’s case, his ego is represented by his attachments and his identity as a member of his family and clan. He struggles to see beyond this identity, which clouds his judgment. Many married men fall into the same trap—defining their worth by their ability to please their parents, uphold family traditions, or seek external validation from their elders. But as Krishna teaches Arjuna, the bigger picture is not about pleasing others; it’s about fulfilling your personal duty (dharma) and moving forward in your own spiritual journey.

In a marriage, this could mean recognizing that the time has come to shift your priorities. While it’s important to respect your parents and honor family traditions, your role now is to build a life with your spouse, create new traditions, and focus on the well-being of your own family unit.

5. Facing the Conflict Head-On

Arjuna wants to flee the battlefield, avoiding conflict altogether. But Krishna tells him that running away is not the solution; he must face the battle and fight with a clear mind. In a marriage, avoiding conflict is often tempting—especially when it comes to disagreements between a man’s wife and his parents. But avoiding these issues only leads to more resentment and bigger problems later on.

The lesson here is that conflict, while uncomfortable, is necessary for growth. A married man needs to have honest conversations with both his wife and his parents. He must establish boundaries, set expectations, and ensure that everyone understands that his first responsibility is now to his wife and their shared life together. This doesn’t mean alienating his parents, but it does mean having the courage to address difficult issues rather than avoiding them.

6. The Power of Clarity and Courage

Krishna guides Arjuna to clarity and helps him understand his duty. In the same way, married men can benefit from seeking clarity in their roles—both as sons and as husbands. Being clear about your responsibilities and communicating openly with your wife and parents can prevent misunderstandings and foster healthier relationships.

It takes courage to stand up for your marriage, just as it took courage for Arjuna to take up arms in battle. The lesson here is to act with clarity and integrity, keeping the long-term health of your marriage in mind, even when it’s challenging.

Conclusion: Building a New Family While Honoring the Old

Ultimately, the lesson from Arjuna’s dilemma is one of balance. A married man must learn to honor his past while embracing his future. By setting boundaries, communicating openly, and prioritizing his marriage, he can build a strong foundation for his new family without severing ties with his old one.

Just as Krishna guided Arjuna through his internal conflict, every married man must learn to navigate the battlefield of family expectations and personal responsibility. The key is to think clearly, act with courage, and always prioritize the family you are building with your spouse. This is the path to harmony, not just in your marriage, but in all aspects of life.

When in doubt ask what would Krishna do? When you are doing what you think Krishna would have done, you may realize – You are a Krishna, and all this is ‘His Divine Play – Leela’.