Siddarth Shukla

Reassessing Life and Making Intentional Choices

1. The Pre-COVID Cycle: Life on Autopilot

More than four years ago, when the world entered the COVID-19 lockdowns, I found myself going through a significant transformation, mostly within my inner world. Up until that point, I had been living my life on autopilot—without questioning my choices or understanding my own values. My daily routine was structured and seemingly productive, but it felt imposed upon me rather than chosen by me.

My day started at 6 am with a meditation session until 7 am, hoping to begin with calm and focus. Then, I would drive 40 minutes to work, stopping at Panera Bread for breakfast. I’d reach the office at 8 am, work until noon, and take a lunch break with colleagues until 2 pm. The afternoon would involve working until 5 pm, followed by a straight trip to the gym. By the time I returned home, it was 8 pm, and after showering and having dinner, it was already 9:30 or 10 pm. Depending on the night, I’d sometimes stay up as late as 2 am, repeating the cycle the next day. On weekends, I would drive to Canada to visit friends and family.

Looking back, I wouldn’t say I was unhappy; rather, I was in a state of ‘ignorance in bliss’. Even though I meditated and maintained fair discipline, I was merely adapting to my environment, gathering ‘data’ without pausing to reflect or act intentionally. The frequency of emotions I experienced was high, and although I had learned to manage them, the volatility remained because I was constantly trying to act. I was caught up in a relentless cycle, where every aspect of my life—work, friends, and even leisure—was dictated by external circumstances. I was unaware of the amount of internal effort required to maintain that imposed lifestyle.

2. The COVID Shift: From External to Internal

When the lockdowns began, everything changed. I returned to live with my parents, and for the first time, I had the space and time to reflect on my life. Being back home allowed me to see how much my mindset had diverged from that of my family. It was eye-opening to recognize how the values and habits I had unconsciously adopted from them no longer served me.

During this period, I began reading extensively. I delved into books on economics, power structures, and sovereignty—concepts that were entirely new to me. I realized that, at 29, I had never truly understood how the economy worked or what it meant to be sovereign. These concepts seemed distant and irrelevant, but as I walked through nature and let my thoughts settle, I started to connect the dots.

I began to understand the monopoly governments hold on violence and power and how they shape our lives. My walks in nature became moments of clarity. It felt as if I was seeing my life from a bird’s-eye perspective, gaining a panoramic view of where I was and where I wanted to be.

3. Breaking Free from delusions: Redefining My Path

Initially, I had believed that I would always move back to India, live with my parents, and support my father’s aftersales gears manufacturing business—just as I had planned when I chose to study mechanical engineering. I saw it as a way to impress my dad and uncles, fitting into the pigeonhole I had created for myself. But the extended time spent living with my parents during the lockdowns made me realize that sharing the same house was not ideal for any of us. I was deluded into thinking that taking on my father’s challenges would lead to my growth. I realized I needed my own space to grow and explore my path, and this choice was ultimately best for both me and my family.I realized that your environment must align with the growth you seek in life. Choosing the right environment that supports your development is a sign of true awareness and intelligence.

I made a conscious choice to stay in North America, not as an escape but as a step towards creating a life that resonated with who I was becoming. It represented a break from my old patterns and expectations, allowing me to fully embrace the autonomy and freedom I had begun to value.

4. Externally Unchanged, Internally Transformed

On the surface, my life may seem the same or even worse than before. I’m still in the same job, I’ve gained some weight, and I still don’t own a house. But now I understand and own Bitcoin. My lifestyle has not drastically changed externally. If it changed I look borderline homeless. I like to wear same clothes and shoes. I drive 15 year old car.

I have been disciplined about my diet and working out but not balanced. Now, I am beginning to create a more balanced lifestyle. I am moving slow but strong.

But internally, everything is different. I’m married, I’ve found a life partner, and we are expecting our first child. I have much more clarity about myself—what I like, what I want from life, and where I see my future going. Major decisions are made. There is less traces of indecisiveness in my mind.

I’ve built better relationships with my parents, family, and friends. I’ve learned to negotiate for my time and prioritize what’s important. Now, before committing to anything, I check my calendar and assess if it aligns with my values and priorities. There is a greater sense of ground and peace in my life. I’ve worked on removing the small “weeds” that used to disrupt my life; now, I’m focused on nurturing the lawn, making it as beautiful as possible.

5. Nature’s Clarity: The Vision of a Family

My walks in nature weren’t just moments of solitude; they were transformative. I observed families with young children, seeing them bike, hike, swim, and explore together. The joy and connection they experienced were unlike anything I had felt in my busy, structured life. It was then that I started envisioning a future where I had my own family. The idea of getting married, having kids, and building a family felt right. It aligned with the values I had come to cherish—love, connection, and simplicity.

These experiences pushed me to think deeply about what kind of life I wanted to create. It was no longer about pleasing others or meeting their expectations but about finding what genuinely brought me fulfillment and joy. It was a shift from adapting to my environment to actively shaping it.

I have now found a piece of land to build a home that I believe is ideal for my family’s growth, perfectly aligning with our shared values.

6. Building Intentional Discipline: Finding Freedom in Routine

During this period, I also realized that discipline, when it’s chosen rather than imposed, can be liberating. Before COVID, I was disciplined in a way that society would approve—waking up on time, commuting, and working diligently. But it felt rigid, a product of my environment rather than a choice. Over the past four years, working from home gave me full autonomy over my time. I had only two meetings a week, and the rest of my work could be completed on my own schedule.

At first, I used this freedom for things other than work—exploring hobbies, reading, and learning. However, recently, I decided to reclaim my discipline intentionally. For the past 21 days, I’ve been waking up before 5:30 am and working in my office from 9 am to 5 pm, aiming for a structured yet flexible routine. The clarity and productivity I’ve gained have been far greater than when I was tied to an office. I now feel free, sovereign, and in control of how I use my time.

7. Embracing Life: A New Perspective

Now, I feel like I’ve just started living my life. I’m exploring the world with my own eyes, feeling a sense of freedom that I hadn’t experienced before. I see the irrational fears that once controlled me and I am actively unlearning them. I’ve started to see the beauty in life more often and am filled with gratitude for the opportunities I have and the life I’ve been given.

8. Conclusion: Embracing an Intentional Life

The transformation I experienced during the COVID-19 lockdowns taught me the importance of self-reflection, autonomy, and intentional living. I learned that freedom isn’t just about having free time; it’s about using that time in a way that aligns with your true values and goals. It’s about breaking free from the patterns imposed by society and instead creating your own path.

I’ve come to value the importance of building my own family, making my own decisions, and living in a way that brings me fulfillment. The process wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. In a world that often pushes us to conform, finding the courage to listen to our own voice is the truest form of freedom.