Introduction
Life is a journey through different stages, and each stage teaches us something new about who we are. From the time we’re born until we begin to understand the world, we transition through phases that shape our identity, values, and sense of purpose. For me, this journey has been a continuous process of learning, unlearning, and growing.
At 34 years old, I’m entering a new phase of life, one that focuses on self-discovery. But before I got here, I went through several stages: from no-self as a child, to self-help in my teenage years, to self-mastery in my twenties and early thirties. Now, as I look forward, I can see the beginnings of something even deeper: self-realization. But for now, this blog is a reflection on my journey—from no-self to self-discovery.
0-5 Years: No-Self
My earliest real memory is of playing with a wall calendar from 1994. I remember that calendar hanging on the wall, and I wanted to pull it down and play with it. I was born in 1990, so that’s a clear memory for me from around four years old. I have glimpses of other memories, but they only occur when I see pictures from that time. By the time I was four, I remember my birthday and my early school days in grade 1. But looking back, I realize that during those first few years, I didn’t have a “self.” It was a stage of no-self—where there’s no ego, no constructed identity.
In those early years, there was no conscious sense of “I.” I was just living, experiencing life as it came, without an ego guiding or distorting it. I was free to simply be. This was the time of no-self, a pure state where you aren’t aware of yourself as separate from others or the world around you. It’s a time when you’re just a sponge, absorbing everything without judgment or interpretation.
5-15 Years: Building the Self
This was the most intense period of my life, where I began building and interpreting all the emotions and experiences around me. I was heavily conditioned by family, society, and the environment. This was the stage where the self was built—my beliefs, my ideas of right and wrong, my sensitivities, and my understanding of the world were shaped.
During these years, it felt like the world was telling me what to think, how to behave, and what my values should be. I was programmed, in a way. Morality, ethics, and style of thinking were taught to me. The hardware of my mind was built in the first five years, and now it was being programmed. This stage was crucial because it laid the foundation for who I thought I was. Curiosity and questioning were discouraged, while obedience and following the rules were encouraged. This was difficult for me because my true nature was always to question things. Yet, at this stage, I was absorbing and obeying.
15-25 Years: Self-Help
This phase was all about self-help. Insecurity was at its peak—“Am I good enough to make money?” “Am I good enough to get into a relationship?” This stage was filled with experimenting, trying various things, and figuring out who I was in the world. The mode of survival was on full throttle, and I was driven to prove myself.
I started consuming all kinds of self-help content outside of school, from YouTube gurus like Tony Robbins to pick-up artists. I got into heated debates with people from different faiths, political views, and backgrounds, all to challenge my own ideas. The insecurity about whether I was good enough—whether I could be successful, whether I could attract women—was constant. This was the time of proving myself, of playing the status game.
It was also the time when I moved to Canada, and my identity was challenged daily—my diet, my religion, my cultural upbringing. Everything was under scrutiny, and I had to navigate this new environment. Looking back, this stage was about building myself up according to the yardsticks society set for me. But at the same time, I wasted energy trying to solve the world’s problems instead of fixing what was going on in my own house.
25-35 Years: Self-Mastery
The period from 25 to 35 was a shift toward self-mastery. I started seeing the futility of self-help—the goals I was chasing, like money and status, were set by someone else’s standards. This was the stage where I moved away from chasing external validation and started focusing on mastering my internal environment. I began to work on my own terms, testing my limits with weightlifting, fasting, and long working hours, all while trying to reprogram my mind through meditation and discipline.
During this phase, I also moved to the U.S., living away from my parents and testing all the lessons I had learned from my self-help journey. Self-mastery was about controlling my impulses, reprogramming my brain, and focusing deeply on things like meditation and diet. I started forming a vision for the rest of my life—what I wanted to achieve, how I wanted to live, and what environments I thrived in.
While I glimpsed moments of self-discovery during this time, the dominant theme was self-mastery—working hard, controlling my emotions, and training my mind to break free from unhealthy patterns. It was during this period that I began to see that many of the things I thought would bring me happiness—money, status, and proving myself—weren’t as important as I had once believed.
35 and Beyond: Self-Discovery—Owning My Time and Environment
At 34 years old, I’m entering a new phase of self-discovery, and this will be the guiding theme for the next 10 years. Over the past decade, I’ve come to understand myself on a much deeper level. I’ve thought about many things, learned what triggers me, and realized what pulls me into a negative state. I’ve already taken steps to own my time and make my calendar reflect my priorities. I don’t do the things that bring me down anymore, and I’ve let go of people and environments that don’t support my growth.
I’ve created an external environment that is supportive of my self-discovery. I’ve been intentional about surrounding myself with people, activities, and habits that elevate my mindset and help me explore who I really am. This isn’t about perfection or control anymore—it’s about alignment. I’m no longer chasing validation or external success. Instead, I’m focused on maintaining an environment that nurtures my journey of self-discovery, where I can learn and grow without the distractions that used to pull me off course.
For the next 10 years, my theme is clear: self-discovery. I’ve removed the noise and clutter from my life. I no longer hang out with people who don’t align with my values or engage in activities that deplete my energy. I’ve become intentional with how I spend my time, ensuring that every decision supports my mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. I’ve built a foundation of clarity.
Self-Realization: What’s Emerging on the Horizon
In this stage of self-discovery, I know this is not the end-all, be-all. There’s a deeper stage—self-realization. While I don’t fully understand it yet, self-realization is starting to appear in my consciousness. It’s like a subtle calling, one that hints at something beyond self-discovery—something deeper, more profound.
As I move through this journey, I’ve noticed that figures like Rumi, Carl Jung, and various Eastern mystics are becoming more relevant in my life. I find myself drawn to their teachings and the wisdom they offer. There’s also a growing interest in studying the Bhagavad Gita, a text that seems to hold keys to unlocking some of these mysteries.
Self-realization feels like the next step on this path. Though I don’t yet fully grasp it, I sense that it involves moving beyond the self entirely—transcending the ego and aligning with something greater. I’m not in a hurry to get there, but I know it’s on the horizon, waiting for me to explore it when the time is right.
Conclusion: The Journey Continues
As I step into this next phase of my life, I realize that the journey never truly ends. From no-self to self-help, from self-mastery to self-discovery, and now the beginnings of self-realization, each stage builds on the last. The key is not to rush or force the process but to allow it to unfold naturally, trusting that with each step, I’m growing closer to understanding who I truly am.
The next 10 years will be about self-discovery, but I’m open to what may come after. Self-realization is showing up in my field of vision, and I’m excited to see where this path leads. For now, I’m content with the clarity I’ve built and the environment I’ve created that supports my growth. The journey of self is ongoing, and I’m ready for what’s next.
Siddarth Shukla 
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